bay_wolf

I feel like this song applies so much to one tall, scrawny Ukrainian we all know. However, his greatest gift is invoking pity and seeming absolutely pathetic. He's like a rabid puppy that you know will infest you with some disease yet you just don't have the heart to put it down or kick it away as it aims at your heels. I have wanted to tell him off so many times, but I just look at his sagging shoulders and find myself unable to do it.

This person crushes people's hearts and leaves others to pick up the pieces. I do think that one day he will get his due, but then again maybe he is not capable of forming an emotional connection significant enough for him to get hurt. At best, he'll just feel frustration at being used and unable to control that person. A part of me fantasized about being that person: the Avenger of all women! However, I just lack the motivation to be that cruel. Someone would have to do something much worse AKA The Count of Monte Cristo type crime. I, fortunately, have not had my heart wounded by this person because I learned of his nature by watching others get tangled in his web; I have just skirted around the outside.
I read parts of The Sociopath Next Door. According to the author 1 in 5 of all people are sociopaths. Most of them don't turn into serial killers. They just go through life unable to form real connections with people and love. That seems so harsh to say that someone is incapable of feeling love. However, the person I mentioned above is probably the closest I've ever seen to a sociopath. I don't think he feels real guilt unless he thinks he should feel it. I do not think it comes naturally to him. The way he operates is at a level beyond most if our understanding. The author also mentioned that in her interview of one sociopath, he said that what he wanted most was for people to pity him. Pity is a powerful weapon. It's like a Get Out of Jail Free card that one can use in this game called "Life". When we pity someone, we excuse that person for a lot of their negative behavior, hoping that it will stop when he/she gets better. However, it often does not stop and the pattern continues. I believe that the above person used pity to coast through life. However, as human beings we cannot keep excusing people and lowering our expectations. For the sake of ourselves and others they may encounter in the future, we need to say that this selfish, hurtful behavior is NOT okay, and we will not tolerate it anymore.

I briefly dated this guy who said he was atheist. I managed to squeeze a slight answer for his reasoning, and he said it was because he just wants to be free to live his life and being atheist makes that easiest. Believe it or not, I can understand his reasoning. If we think about it, we already judge each other so harshly that it's a bit messed up that we have to imagine some deity who sees all and judges everything we do behind closed doors. We're never really free that way are we? However, I still think that his becoming atheist is a cop out. He's taking the easier route. Instead of engaging in introspection and sorting his feeling and beliefs, he chooses to simplify things by rejecting everything. But then again, as Americans we like to simplify things.
We'd like to believe we can follow a guidebook like He's Just Not That Into You, and everything will fall into place. I've been there myself. I used to read psychology books and was obsessed with the enneagram and myers-brigg, believing that I could use these books to crack the code of the people around me. Nonetheless, they are people: human beings who are so complex that no book could ever categorize them. Take me for example, I am normally categorized as a 7 on the enneagram and for the most part it's true: I like to remain optimistic; I flee from pain and become easily detached; I am extremely warm and try to lighten the situation and entertain people (think dancing monkey); I start to become uptight and critical when I'm stressed and use my sense of humor as a defense mechanism. Nonetheless, I am not as shallow as sevens are made out to be and am even attracted to the dark side (something that sevens shun entirely), making me having many four characteristics. Then I even have a splash of three where I can become competitive and constantly worry about my image. My point is that nobody can be put in a box, and life cannot be simplified. No book holds all the answers, just like no belief system holds all the answers. Being atheist seems to be the route for those tired of thinking and evaluating themselves. The funny thing is I find that most atheists don't just simply not believe in God, they are against God. I've only met one atheist in my life who was highly educated, evaluated everything from a logical perspective, and concluded that there was no God. The rest just tend to be jaded Christians: once fervent believers who are now angry that their religion let them down. I hear the same thing over and over again. Why would God allow the Holocaust, famine, and floods? I sense resentment in these statements. Well, here's a newsflash: no religion is perfect. There will always be a few elements that contradict with our core beliefs, but you don't just walk out on it. You work through it. I stick with Catholicism because it's the foundation of Christianity. Instead of abandoning a religion and forming a new one, let's try to fix the original one. I think that deep within their souls, 95% of all atheists believe in some God. Furthermore, my answer to why God allows pain on Earth is simple: what would be the point of Heaven if Earth was easy? Plus, God grants freewill. I like to imagine God as this loving figure that after all the pain and trials we suffer in life, we approach Heaven's Gate weary and broken, and God takes our hand and says, "Welcome home", and we walk through that gate, feeling long awaited relief that all our worries have faded as we bask in eternal love. I believe if we try to be good and do what makes sense to us, we will be welcomed into Heaven. I just listened to Eric Clapton's song Tears in Heaven (corny I know), but one verse leaves me so sad: "Cause I know, I don't belong here in Heaven". How can anyone aside from a serial killer really believe that he/she doesn't belong in Heaven? Why must people be so hateful toward themselves? We need to forgive ourselves for our flaws. We are human after all, and that's what separates us from God. WE ARE NOT PERFECT! And that's okay. We are loved unconditionally anyway. I want to be that beacon of love and help people feel accepted in my presence. I want them to know they can show me their worst side, and still be loved. That goes for some of my wannabe enemies. I love you and wish the best for you.
My point is that I find religion liberating, not oppressive, There is some higher being who sees every corrupt thing I do and still chooses to love me. That is a beautiful thing. The Bible is often misinterpreted. I tend to look at the Gospels for advice rather than the other books since the Gospels actually attempt to quote the words of Jesus and aren't just written by hoity-toity scholars. Where does it say that premarital sex or homosexuality will lead us to Hell? True, it does say look at a woman with lust and you have committed adultery in your heart, but I interpret that quite differently than is standard. I believe there is a difference between desiring someone and spending time fantasizing and objectifying that person in one's mind. I think it was the latter Jesus was criticizing. Let's face it, it's very dehumanizing and degrading to turn someone into a sex object in your mind or to stand there and oggle them. Even the tale of the rich man which most find so harsh has a point. The rich man ate fattened lamb while a beggar covered with sores suffered at his door. Just imagine the pathetic scene this conjures: to feast indifferently while someone suffers nearby. The rich man never lifted a finger to help the beggar. I believe that was what Jesus was criticizing not the mere fact of being rich. Nonetheless, I do believe that to be insanely rich does require a coldness toward others in general. How could one indulge in five BMWs, knowing that others are starving around them? Think about St. Catherine of Sienna who starved because she kept giving her food to the beggars around her. She couldn't bare to see others suffer around her and eat in peace. This is why I myself don't think I could ever be comfortable being insanely rich myself. If I had as much money as Oprah, I'd be inclined to give away 98% of my earnings, and live in a small humble house.
I get so tired of encountering atheists who choose that path because of bitterness and exhaustion rather than logic, which I could at least respect. Then again, I suppose atheists are better than Satanists, which I view as the ultimate form of immaturity.

I think that having siblings in my teens matured me quite a bit, but sometimes it's hard because there's no solitude at home. I love them dearly, but everytime I go home, I go from being laidback and calm to uptight and neurotic. Outside home, I can count my emotional outbursts on one hand (at least in front of people and I'm talking about bouts of screaming and hysterical crying not the normal tantrums we all throw), but at home they're countless. I yell all the freaking time. Whenever, my siblings push my buttons, my temper gets the best of me. I probably yell about five to ten times a day. I very rarely yell at my mom because it's the ultimate form of disrespect in her book. I don't yell at my stepmom because she hardly ever aggravates me. I've screamed at my dad a lot, and I seem to always be raising my voice to my stepdad. In a strange way, I think yelling is a sign that I'm fond of someone and care deeply for that person. I only yell this much at home when I'm surrounded by the people I love. With them, I guess it's worth the energy whereas with most people, I can say a biting remark, calmly state my opinion, or just write them out of my life. Toward the end of our friendship, I constantly yelled at my exbestfriend before giving up; I was emotional because I was trying to preserve our friendship, and I always felt livid with her; she was one of the few people capable of hurting and angering me that much. I yelled a lot at my roommate because I became so frustrated with her self destructive behavior. Most people just don't invoke that emotional response in me. Then again, a friend did tell me that I'm quite tempermental and compared me to the ocean: still waters one minute, then 80 foot waves appear, tossing you from side to side. Even though my temper constantly flares with my siblings, it also quickly cools down. It gets their attention, then it's back to business. I guess they're used to it and I doubt it phases them. I yell, but I never insult them. I'm not verbally abusive, I just simply use volume. Plus, they're so darling that it's impossible to stay mad at them for very long. I guess I'm just following a family tradition. My mom yells a lot and it seems that all the women on her side of the family are yellers. Nana yelled, her mom yelled, her sisters yelled, my mom's cousins yell. Maybe, it's a Scottish thing. I asked if her if Grandad's mother yelled, and mom said she didn't; Her granny was a strong woman who commanded respect but also knew how to have fun. I aspire to be like Grandad's mom as a parent. I always thought I'd be that calm mother who simply reprimands her children and barely bats an eye as chaos erupts around her. Yet I digress, if this pattern continues, when I have children, I'll be just like my mom and all the Fraser women.

Bonjour 'Peeps'

Michelle's Cousin Emily From Scotland Is Writing Here, I Feel In Control =] (Evil Laugh)
I Have A Very Good Theroy - How Cool Would It Be TO Be An Invisible Fly Or Crocodile. I Mean If You Were An Invisible Fly You Could Buzz And Annoy People And They Would Have NO IDea Where It Would Be Coming From. It Would Be Hillarious. Now Onto Being An Invisible Crocodile - If There Was Someone You Really Really Hate YOu Could Go Into There HOuse Into There Room And THen Gobble Them And THey Would Have No IDea What Would Be Happening.
Somehow I Also Think This COuld Be Possible No Matter What My Family Says - A Physco-path Could Walk Into There Psychologists Office And Take Out A Gun Kill THem Then Kill The Seceraty And Then Shoot Yourself Because You Are Crazy And Now You Have No-one To Talk To And YOu Were Secretly In Love With Your Ex Girlfriends Lover.
Also The Next Person Who Makes Michelle Laugh While Tickling Her Please Inform Me As She Has Been ''Bullying'' Me By Tickling Me And I Cannot Get Her Back As She Is Not Tickling.
Gosh, I Must Be Sad, Im Sitting Here At 2:05am (British Time OBVIOUSLY DUDE) Writing A Entry In My Cousin's Journal, Very 'Intreging'. OH And Also Do You Not Think The BEst Name To Call Someone Is A Egotistic Whore Or Is It Just Me ?
Just To Make A Point, Not ALl Scottish People Are Fat, Have Ginger Hair, Talk With Weird Accents, Live IN THe Hills, And Scottish Men Do NOT Wear Skirts, They Are Called Kilts My Dears =]

Wow Now That Thats Over With,

Hope YOu All Have A NIce Day/Evening/Life

Peace Dudes =]

Since Reddest mentioned she was thinking about applying to America's Next Top Model, I thought that I might too just for fun. I thought it would be great! I'd be in the land of the giants! I probably wouldn't be able to resist cracking jokes about it. Alas, I do not meet the requirements. I will never meet them no matter how much weight I lose or how much cosmetic work I have done for one simple reason: I am too short. The minimum height is 5'7. I am 5'4 at best. I am a shrimp! A shrimp! Too bad. I was actually considering it. I thought it might be inspirational to see how far a petite person could get in the modeling industry. I know I could fit somewhere. Most of all, I was excited about meeting new and interesting people and traveling, provided if I make it in the first place. I would also love to meet Tyra Banks. In 8th grade, I had a classmate who was obsessed with her. He would not only collect pictures of her, he would pay for them, the less clothing, the better. My friend took advantage of this and would spend time at the library cutting out pictures of Tyra Banks from magazines; this kid would pay her up to $20 for a picture. Yes, it would have been nice to be on the show! Alas, I am a shrimp! I had such genetic potential too! My mom is 5'6 and my dad is over 6'3 (he was a basketball player along with his father). Normally, the next generation is supposed to be taller. My dad's parents are a little above average height. My mom did the math, and I was supposed to be at least 5'7! How is it the one short person in my family (my Nana who's 4'11) manages to interfere with my genetic make-up? However, I will always be Thumbelina to the modeling industry. Looks like I'm going to have to rely on my brain.

I actually want to get to bed before daylight, so I'll try to keep this update short! I drove to campus to pick up an envelope, opened it, didn't get the on-campus job I applied for. Then I went to the bank to inquire about my balance to see how much money I had left in my account: over a hundred dollars. I always get this high every time I discover money after being broke or thinking I'm broke. So what do I do? I go shopping! I ate at my favorite Vietnamese place and had Vietnamese coffee and gave the waiter a proper tip. Oh, the soup with the raw steak, brisket, and tripe was so divine! Vietnamese coffee is one of the most heavenly drinks ever! So thick, sweet, and creamy! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Tried to call Reddest so I could pick up my wine opener. No answer. Probably good, since I would have been tempted to splurge on wine. Tried to call a couple of friends to make plans. No answer. Went to Aveda and received a free hair consultation. Looks like I'll be lopping off four inches. That was so much fun though! I love Aveda products! I feel like I'm in my element every time I enter that salon! Went to The Body Shop at Cherry Creek and bought much needed supplies. The manager gave me a job application when she saw I was dressed for a job interview. Very nice of her since I didn't even ask about hiring. Then I fulfilled my one passion: I explored Whole Foods, which was right next to the mall, the real reason I headed in that direction in the first place! It's so much bigger than Wild Oats! I was in Heaven! Heaven, I tell you!

$9.33 (Vietnamese Food)
22.00 (Groceries from Whole Foods...actually resisted buying $12 natural lipstick!)
39.00 (The Body Shop...bought cocoa butter, exfoliating sponge, wooden comb, and discount card)
10.00 (Gas)

Total: $80.33

$138.00 (Balance Before Crazy Spending)
-080.33

Amount Left: $57.67
A Good Fucking Time: Priceless!

The Order of the Phoenix

James Potter

"Go out with me Lily!"

Lily Evans

"Drop dead!"

Sirius Black

Artemis

Remus Lupin


Alice Longbottom

Mr. Longbottom

Arthur Weasley

"Look, Molly, muggles! Excuse me, sir..."

Molly Weasley

"Oh for heaven's sake, Arthur, leave the muggle alone!"

Mad Eye Moodie

Albus Dumbledore

Professor McGonagall

St. Dorothy

St. Dorothy, (i.e., the gift of God), a virgin from Caesarea in Cappadocia, allegedly suffered a martyr's death under Diocletian. Her relics are honored in a church dedicated to her honor in the Trastevere section of Rome. Her feast was introduced into the Roman calendar during the Middle Ages. In 1969 her feast was removed from the revised Roman Calender and her cultus was suppressed.

Nevertheless, a very edifying story is related in connection with her name. As Dorothy was being led to execution because of her faith in Christ, she prayed, "I thank You, 0 Lover of souls, for having called me to Your paradise." A certain Theophilus, an official of the Roman governor, jestingly retorted, "Farewell, bride of Christ, send me apples or roses from your Bridegroom's garden of bliss." Dorothy answered, "I most certainly will."

While devoting herself to prayer during the few moments permitted before receiving the death stroke, she beheld a vision of a beautiful youth who carried three apples and three roses in a napkin. She said to him, "I implore you to take these to Theophilus." Soon the sword severed her neck, and her soul returned to God.

As Theophilus was mockingly telling his friend of Dorothy's promise, a boy stood before him holding a linen in which were wrapped three beautiful apples and three magnificent roses.

"See, the virgin Dorothy sends you these from the garden of her Bridegroom, even as she promised you." Highly astonished, for it was February and everything in nature was frozen, Theophilus received the gifts and cried out: "Truly indeed, Christ is God." And soon he too died a martyr's death for publicly confessing the faith.

I received this email from a friend and thought it was funny.

I've Got 10 Human Peeves To Talk About:

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!

2. Yelling at me for barking . . . I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose . . . stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
Hoooooooo - what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth . . . you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these thing's.
We both know who's boss here . .. .