bay_wolf

Kidney Problems

2009-11-20T06:28:38Z

eggs, fish, poultry

nettle, parsley, and dandelion

bay_wolf @ 2009-09-09T17:24:00

2009-09-10T00:57:32Z

I started out rather roughly today. I tossed and turned before getting up at around 11:30, which means I got about 9 hours of sleep. I hate sleeping in past 9:30. It makes me feel like the whole day has been wasted. Somehow, I really need to find a way to haul myself into bed by 11pm.
I've been trying to unpack my things from the garage today. I have accomplished very little. I feel so close yet so far from my goal. I know that if I broke down and really concentrated, I'd be able to finish it in a few hours, but every fiber in my body seems to want to procrastinate. More than anything, I want to take a shower and head out to the bookstore. I feel so groggy and gross. I think I'll do just that: get the hell out for while. Hopefully, I'll come back refreshed and ready to work.
Things to Do:
1) Wipe plastic drawers
2) Organize papers =(
3) Finish putting stuff away
4) Decorate room =)

Let's keep our fingers crossed and pray my roommates don't nag me for the boxes and my lack of movement!
XP

bay_wolf @ 2009-06-05T20:26:00

2009-06-06T03:38:44Z

My friend says I fear getting hurt. Perhaps, this quote sums those supposed fears:

"Have you even been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...

You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."
Rose Walker (The Sandman)

Honestly though, this is more how I roll. However, I do admit to being a bit skittish.

"Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you.
William Arthur Ward

I feel that my outlook on love is more like the song "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar.

Lessons in Life

2009-02-14T21:18:16Z

I feel like this song applies so much to one tall, scrawny Ukrainian we all know. However, his greatest gift is invoking pity and seeming absolutely pathetic. He's like a rabid puppy that you know will infest you with some disease yet you just don't have the heart to put it down or kick it away as it aims at your heels. I have wanted to tell him off so many times, but I just look at his sagging shoulders and find myself unable to do it.

This person crushes people's hearts and leaves others to pick up the pieces. I do think that one day he will get his due, but then again maybe he is not capable of forming an emotional connection significant enough for him to get hurt. At best, he'll just feel frustration at being used and unable to control that person. A part of me fantasized about being that person: the Avenger of all women! However, I just lack the motivation to be that cruel. Someone would have to do something much worse AKA The Count of Monte Cristo type crime. I, fortunately, have not had my heart wounded by this person because I learned of his nature by watching others get tangled in his web; I have just skirted around the outside.
I read parts of The Sociopath Next Door. According to the author 1 in 5 of all people are sociopaths. Most of them don't turn into serial killers. They just go through life unable to form real connections with people and love. That seems so harsh to say that someone is incapable of feeling love. However, the person I mentioned above is probably the closest I've ever seen to a sociopath. I don't think he feels real guilt unless he thinks he should feel it. I do not think it comes naturally to him. The way he operates is at a level beyond most if our understanding. The author also mentioned that in her interview of one sociopath, he said that what he wanted most was for people to pity him. Pity is a powerful weapon. It's like a Get Out of Jail Free card that one can use in this game called "Life". When we pity someone, we excuse that person for a lot of their negative behavior, hoping that it will stop when he/she gets better. However, it often does not stop and the pattern continues. I believe that the above person used pity to coast through life. However, as human beings we cannot keep excusing people and lowering our expectations. For the sake of ourselves and others they may encounter in the future, we need to say that this selfish, hurtful behavior is NOT okay, and we will not tolerate it anymore.

Thoughts

2009-02-08T11:30:13Z

I briefly dated this guy who said he was atheist. I managed to squeeze a slight answer for his reasoning, and he said it was because he just wants to be free to live his life and being atheist makes that easiest. Believe it or not, I can understand his reasoning. If we think about it, we already judge each other so harshly that it's a bit messed up that we have to imagine some deity who sees all and judges everything we do behind closed doors. We're never really free that way are we? However, I still think that his becoming atheist is a cop out. He's taking the easier route. Instead of engaging in introspection and sorting his feeling and beliefs, he chooses to simplify things by rejecting everything. But then again, as Americans we like to simplify things.
We'd like to believe we can follow a guidebook like He's Just Not That Into You, and everything will fall into place. I've been there myself. I used to read psychology books and was obsessed with the enneagram and myers-brigg, believing that I could use these books to crack the code of the people around me. Nonetheless, they are people: human beings who are so complex that no book could ever categorize them. Take me for example, I am normally categorized as a 7 on the enneagram and for the most part it's true: I like to remain optimistic; I flee from pain and become easily detached; I am extremely warm and try to lighten the situation and entertain people (think dancing monkey); I start to become uptight and critical when I'm stressed and use my sense of humor as a defense mechanism. Nonetheless, I am not as shallow as sevens are made out to be and am even attracted to the dark side (something that sevens shun entirely), making me having many four characteristics. Then I even have a splash of three where I can become competitive and constantly worry about my image. My point is that nobody can be put in a box, and life cannot be simplified. No book holds all the answers, just like no belief system holds all the answers. Being atheist seems to be the route for those tired of thinking and evaluating themselves. The funny thing is I find that most atheists don't just simply not believe in God, they are against God. I've only met one atheist in my life who was highly educated, evaluated everything from a logical perspective, and concluded that there was no God. The rest just tend to be jaded Christians: once fervent believers who are now angry that their religion let them down. I hear the same thing over and over again. Why would God allow the Holocaust, famine, and floods? I sense resentment in these statements. Well, here's a newsflash: no religion is perfect. There will always be a few elements that contradict with our core beliefs, but you don't just walk out on it. You work through it. I stick with Catholicism because it's the foundation of Christianity. Instead of abandoning a religion and forming a new one, let's try to fix the original one. I think that deep within their souls, 95% of all atheists believe in some God. Furthermore, my answer to why God allows pain on Earth is simple: what would be the point of Heaven if Earth was easy? Plus, God grants freewill. I like to imagine God as this loving figure that after all the pain and trials we suffer in life, we approach Heaven's Gate weary and broken, and God takes our hand and says, "Welcome home", and we walk through that gate, feeling long awaited relief that all our worries have faded as we bask in eternal love. I believe if we try to be good and do what makes sense to us, we will be welcomed into Heaven. I just listened to Eric Clapton's song Tears in Heaven (corny I know), but one verse leaves me so sad: "Cause I know, I don't belong here in Heaven". How can anyone aside from a serial killer really believe that he/she doesn't belong in Heaven? Why must people be so hateful toward themselves? We need to forgive ourselves for our flaws. We are human after all, and that's what separates us from God. WE ARE NOT PERFECT! And that's okay. We are loved unconditionally anyway. I want to be that beacon of love and help people feel accepted in my presence. I want them to know they can show me their worst side, and still be loved. That goes for some of my wannabe enemies. I love you and wish the best for you.
My point is that I find religion liberating, not oppressive, There is some higher being who sees every corrupt thing I do and still chooses to love me. That is a beautiful thing. The Bible is often misinterpreted. I tend to look at the Gospels for advice rather than the other books since the Gospels actually attempt to quote the words of Jesus and aren't just written by hoity-toity scholars. Where does it say that premarital sex or homosexuality will lead us to Hell? True, it does say look at a woman with lust and you have committed adultery in your heart, but I interpret that quite differently than is standard. I believe there is a difference between desiring someone and spending time fantasizing and objectifying that person in one's mind. I think it was the latter Jesus was criticizing. Let's face it, it's very dehumanizing and degrading to turn someone into a sex object in your mind or to stand there and oggle them. Even the tale of the rich man which most find so harsh has a point. The rich man ate fattened lamb while a beggar covered with sores suffered at his door. Just imagine the pathetic scene this conjures: to feast indifferently while someone suffers nearby. The rich man never lifted a finger to help the beggar. I believe that was what Jesus was criticizing not the mere fact of being rich. Nonetheless, I do believe that to be insanely rich does require a coldness toward others in general. How could one indulge in five BMWs, knowing that others are starving around them? Think about St. Catherine of Sienna who starved because she kept giving her food to the beggars around her. She couldn't bare to see others suffer around her and eat in peace. This is why I myself don't think I could ever be comfortable being insanely rich myself. If I had as much money as Oprah, I'd be inclined to give away 98% of my earnings, and live in a small humble house.
I get so tired of encountering atheists who choose that path because of bitterness and exhaustion rather than logic, which I could at least respect. Then again, I suppose atheists are better than Satanists, which I view as the ultimate form of immaturity.

bay_wolf @ 2008-12-08T19:38:00

2008-12-09T03:39:47Z

Noreen Sullivan paused as she looked out into the ocean. Black velvety waters stretched into the night; sea and sky were indistinguishable. She peeled off her flip-flops, feeling the cold wet sand beneath her feet. The salty mists sprayed her face, making her skin tingle. Moonlight reflected the gleaming foam along the edges of the water. She gathered some of the foam, inhaling the salty aroma as it sparkled in her hands. As a little girl, she used to believe that it was mermaid's dust. Her grandmother once told her that mermaids turned into sea foam when they died. She cringed thinking the foam had once been slimy, decaying flesh. For a long time afterward, she carefully avoided the foam as she swam.
She closed her eyes as the wind lifted her hair. The whisper of the waves tickled her ears, calling her into their embrace. Step by step, she walked toward the sound, hypnotized by its power. Wincing as the water touched her toes, she kept walking. The iciness rose to the middle of her shins. When she glanced down, she saw the salt water grazing her knees. She ran to shore, racing against the waves. What was she doing? The sand pricked the skin between her toes as she brushed it off her feet. Slipping her flip-flops back on, she continued walking along the shore.
As Noreen made her way along the sandy path, she noted the full moon. Her grandmother believed a full moon in October meant danger, referring to it as the "Blood Moon." Goosebumps erupted along her shoulders and quickly spread down her arms. She told herself that it was just the cold air. After all, she no longer believed in superstitions. Her grandmother was a foolish old Irish woman, trapped by the Old Ways. Three seagulls flew directly overhead.
She zipped up her white sweatshirt, tightening the hood around her face. Her flip-flops squeaked as she ran toward the lighthouse, remembering an old rhyme, "three seagulls flying warn of death arriving." She increased her stride. A cold wind hit her, nearly knocking her off balance. She gritted her teeth. Noreen could see the lighthouse looming ahead over the rocks. Just one more mile until she reached her meeting place. The lighthouse had been abandoned for years and ceased to have a purpose.
~~~~
Noreen opened the bathroom cabinet to find it missing. Her eyebrows furrowed. She always put it in the same place. Where could it possibly be? She shifted though the lotions, bath gels, and soaps but still couldn't find it. Suppressing a scream, she dropped to her knees, her hands scouring the surface.
"It's not here. I threw it away."
She looked up and saw Tim, her older brother, standing in the doorway. Opening her eyes as wide as possible, she asked him what he was talking about. His fists clenched as his cheeks turned scarlet.
"Dammit, Noreen! Don't play dumb with me! I know exactly what you've been doing, and it's going to stop! Or else, I'm gonna tell Grandma."
Feebly she stood up, gripping the edges of the sink for support. She looked into his sea green eyes. Eyes so much like her own.
"Bullshit! We wouldn't want to burden poor Grandma!" She hissed.
His mouth opened and closed like a freshly caught fish. She gave a harsh laugh and stared down into the sink.
"Noreen, please. I care about you."
"Well, I sure as hell don't." She laughed.
He seized her shoulders, spinning her around. She felt his arms wrap her into an embrace.
"Punishing yourself won't bring Philippe back." He said, tightening the hug.
She sighed, closing her eyes. Philippe. Just saying his name ripped the scabs off her wounds.
~~~~
Fixing her gaze on the lighthouse, she stretched her legs over the black rocks. The sea mists tickled the backs of her legs. Something creaked behind her. Noreen looked out into the blackness of the night. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up as she listened for other sounds. She quickened her pace. Suddenly, something slimy grabbed her ankle; she slipped on the rocks, cutting her right shin. She looked down to see a large pile of seaweed entwined around her left foot. Shaking her head, she started laughing as she untangled her foot. Another scar for my collection, she thought.
Breathing deeply, she continued toward the lighthouse until she reached the entrance. She stopped in the doorway, unable to move as the memories started to seep through: memories of him. Commanding her feet to move, she opened the door and walked inside. A damp, moldy odor greeted her. The room in the lighthouse was older and more worn out than she remembered. A thick layer of rust caked every metal piece.
She rapidly scanned the room before realizing it was empty. Her blood drained down into her feet. Had he decided not to come? Her bottom lip trembled. He promised! Clenching her fists and biting her lip, she sank down onto the floor. She cursed, slamming both fists onto the ground. Ignoring the wave of pain shooting up her arms, she continued pounding the floor.
"Hey, Noreen, what's wrong?" A nervous voice called out.
Whipping her head around, she saw him standing in the doorway.
She leapt across the room and threw herself into his arms. Cupping his face with both hands, she covered it with quick little kisses before kissing him full on the lips.
"I've never received such an enthusiastic greeting from you." Phillipe stammered.
She buried her face deeper in his shoulder, inhaling his scent. He smelled salty, like the beach. Recovering his senses, he gently embraced her, entwining his hand through her hair. Hugging him tighter, she told him not to ever leave her again. He claimed he never had; he would always be by her side. Frantically, she traced the edges of his face, along with the bridge of his nose already turning red from the cold air. She pressed his lips gently with her finger. Running her hands over his arms and down his chest, she felt each muscle quiver under her touch. She smiled.
"Do you love me?"
The question startled her. Noreen turned away from him.
"What kind of a stupid question is that?" She cried.
Sometimes, she wanted to slap him! Did he always need confirmation? She looked at him. His soft brown eyes shined at her. She exhaled, her shoulders sagging. She sat on the concrete floor and patted the space next to her. He plopped down beside her. She drew him into her arms, pressing his head against her body.
"I love you more than anything," she sighed, kissing his pale cheeks and neck.
She leaned back, and he fell on top of her, cuddling against the softness of her breasts. Fingering his hair, she started singing:
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
"Please don't take my sunshine away."
They lied there listening to the waves crashing against the rocks outside, whispering their lullaby. Their breathing softened, becoming one. Noreen saw the sun rise, illuminating everything around them. The morning light made Phillipe's body glow like beads of pearls. It hurt to look at him. Then she realized he was blending with the sunlight!
"Phillipe!" She rushed to grab him, but her hands passed through his body.
"What is it?" He asked, yawning. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. Then he was gone, leaving only air for her to hold.
~~~~~~
Noreen awoke in her own bed. A steel clamp squeezed around her heart. She looked at the clock on her bedside. The bright red numbers flashed 12:03 pm. Well, I'm up early, she thought, throwing off the white covers and sliding onto the floor. Her bare foot hit something rubbery and scratchy. Looking down, she saw her green rubber flip-flops covered in sand. "How the fuck did these get here?" She mumbled. She picked them up and threw them in the hamper, ignoring the sand sprinkling all over the dirty clothes. She headed to the bathroom across the hall.
Flipping on the light, Noreen glanced at her reflection in the mirror. A monster stared back at her. People used to call her a hottie. Now most of them turned away when they saw her. Underneath her eyes, it looked as if somebody had pressed two thumbs into her flesh, leaving a pair of bruises behind. Her bottom lip had scars from constant biting. She looked like a faded photograph. Her dark red hair which once gleamed from scrupulous grooming now hung disregarded and limp. She did not know why people always made such a fuss over red hair. She gave people bewildered looks when they complimented it. To her, it looked like dried blood. Phillipe used to love playing with it. He was the only one allowed to touch it. They often sat in silence as he brushed her hair. He once told her that it reminded him of the sunset.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered the dream. What was the point of it? Did God send it to torture her? A tear rolled down her cheek. She slapped it away. Crying was useless, It didn't change anything. It only separated the weak from the strong.
Noreen took off her nightie and turned on the bathtub faucet. Sitting on the edge of the tub, she watched it fill with water. When it was full, she turned off the faucet and slithered into the tub. Her chalky skin instantly turned pink. The water was too hot, but she welcomed the pain: her private purgatory.
She looked at the pink roses painted on the ceiling before blanching at the pick curtains and pink towels. Her grandmother had such disgustingly feminine taste and no grown men resided in the house to quell it. Her grandfather had died from a heart attack before she was born, and both her parents had been in a fatal car crash when she was only four years old.
The song from her dream started playing in her head.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you.
"Please don't take my sunshine away."
She wanted to yell out every curse word she knew. God had taken him away, and no amount of praying could bring him back. Then she remembered the other half of the song:
"The other night, dear, while I was sleeping,
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
But then I realized I was mistaken,
So I hung my head to cry."
Her anger slipped away, leaving behind a heart weighed with sorrow and suffering. Sobs rose from Noreen, causing her whole body to shake.

A Family Tradition

2008-09-03T05:56:01Z

I think that having siblings in my teens matured me quite a bit, but sometimes it's hard because there's no solitude at home. I love them dearly, but everytime I go home, I go from being laidback and calm to uptight and neurotic. Outside home, I can count my emotional outbursts on one hand (at least in front of people and I'm talking about bouts of screaming and hysterical crying not the normal tantrums we all throw), but at home they're countless. I yell all the freaking time. Whenever, my siblings push my buttons, my temper gets the best of me. I probably yell about five to ten times a day. I very rarely yell at my mom because it's the ultimate form of disrespect in her book. I don't yell at my stepmom because she hardly ever aggravates me. I've screamed at my dad a lot, and I seem to always be raising my voice to my stepdad. In a strange way, I think yelling is a sign that I'm fond of someone and care deeply for that person. I only yell this much at home when I'm surrounded by the people I love. With them, I guess it's worth the energy whereas with most people, I can say a biting remark, calmly state my opinion, or just write them out of my life. Toward the end of our friendship, I constantly yelled at my exbestfriend before giving up; I was emotional because I was trying to preserve our friendship, and I always felt livid with her; she was one of the few people capable of hurting and angering me that much. I yelled a lot at my roommate because I became so frustrated with her self destructive behavior. Most people just don't invoke that emotional response in me. Then again, a friend did tell me that I'm quite tempermental and compared me to the ocean: still waters one minute, then 80 foot waves appear, tossing you from side to side. Even though my temper constantly flares with my siblings, it also quickly cools down. It gets their attention, then it's back to business. I guess they're used to it and I doubt it phases them. I yell, but I never insult them. I'm not verbally abusive, I just simply use volume. Plus, they're so darling that it's impossible to stay mad at them for very long. I guess I'm just following a family tradition. My mom yells a lot and it seems that all the women on her side of the family are yellers. Nana yelled, her mom yelled, her sisters yelled, my mom's cousins yell. Maybe, it's a Scottish thing. I asked if her if Grandad's mother yelled, and mom said she didn't; Her granny was a strong woman who commanded respect but also knew how to have fun. I aspire to be like Grandad's mom as a parent. I always thought I'd be that calm mother who simply reprimands her children and barely bats an eye as chaos erupts around her. Yet I digress, if this pattern continues, when I have children, I'll be just like my mom and all the Fraser women.

Muahahahahah ( Evil Laugh )

2007-12-30T02:09:40Z

Bonjour 'Peeps'

Michelle's Cousin Emily From Scotland Is Writing Here, I Feel In Control =] (Evil Laugh)
I Have A Very Good Theroy - How Cool Would It Be TO Be An Invisible Fly Or Crocodile. I Mean If You Were An Invisible Fly You Could Buzz And Annoy People And They Would Have NO IDea Where It Would Be Coming From. It Would Be Hillarious. Now Onto Being An Invisible Crocodile - If There Was Someone You Really Really Hate YOu Could Go Into There HOuse Into There Room And THen Gobble Them And THey Would Have No IDea What Would Be Happening.
Somehow I Also Think This COuld Be Possible No Matter What My Family Says - A Physco-path Could Walk Into There Psychologists Office And Take Out A Gun Kill THem Then Kill The Seceraty And Then Shoot Yourself Because You Are Crazy And Now You Have No-one To Talk To And YOu Were Secretly In Love With Your Ex Girlfriends Lover.
Also The Next Person Who Makes Michelle Laugh While Tickling Her Please Inform Me As She Has Been ''Bullying'' Me By Tickling Me And I Cannot Get Her Back As She Is Not Tickling.
Gosh, I Must Be Sad, Im Sitting Here At 2:05am (British Time OBVIOUSLY DUDE) Writing A Entry In My Cousin's Journal, Very 'Intreging'. OH And Also Do You Not Think The BEst Name To Call Someone Is A Egotistic Whore Or Is It Just Me ?
Just To Make A Point, Not ALl Scottish People Are Fat, Have Ginger Hair, Talk With Weird Accents, Live IN THe Hills, And Scottish Men Do NOT Wear Skirts, They Are Called Kilts My Dears =]

Wow Now That Thats Over With,

Hope YOu All Have A NIce Day/Evening/Life

Peace Dudes =]

bay_wolf @ 2007-09-14T07:21:00

2007-09-14T14:21:58Z

Too Cute!!!

2007-04-25T19:55:14Z

Hey, some know how to party

Better Fleur?

2006-12-03T20:46:00Z

bay_wolf @ 2006-10-04T15:52:00

2006-10-04T21:53:46Z

A survey of parents found that one in 10 would abort a child if they knew it had a genetic tendency to be fat.
[Fraser, Laura. (1997). Losing it: America's obsession with weight and the industry that feeds on it. Dutton Press. New York.]

How sick is that?

Report from the Shrimp

2006-06-09T07:25:08Z

Since Reddest mentioned she was thinking about applying to America's Next Top Model, I thought that I might too just for fun. I thought it would be great! I'd be in the land of the giants! I probably wouldn't be able to resist cracking jokes about it. Alas, I do not meet the requirements. I will never meet them no matter how much weight I lose or how much cosmetic work I have done for one simple reason: I am too short. The minimum height is 5'7. I am 5'4 at best. I am a shrimp! A shrimp! Too bad. I was actually considering it. I thought it might be inspirational to see how far a petite person could get in the modeling industry. I know I could fit somewhere. Most of all, I was excited about meeting new and interesting people and traveling, provided if I make it in the first place. I would also love to meet Tyra Banks. In 8th grade, I had a classmate who was obsessed with her. He would not only collect pictures of her, he would pay for them, the less clothing, the better. My friend took advantage of this and would spend time at the library cutting out pictures of Tyra Banks from magazines; this kid would pay her up to $20 for a picture. Yes, it would have been nice to be on the show! Alas, I am a shrimp! I had such genetic potential too! My mom is 5'6 and my dad is over 6'3 (he was a basketball player along with his father). Normally, the next generation is supposed to be taller. My dad's parents are a little above average height. My mom did the math, and I was supposed to be at least 5'7! How is it the one short person in my family (my Nana who's 4'11) manages to interfere with my genetic make-up? However, I will always be Thumbelina to the modeling industry. Looks like I'm going to have to rely on my brain.

bay_wolf @ 2006-05-28T01:28:00

2006-05-28T08:25:39Z

I bought a Macrobiotic Book last month. I don't really believe everything it says, but it makes some pretty good points. I think I'll keep it just for the recipes. I've been living off of brown rice this week. It's very economical. Use of seasonings can make each dish taste drastically different; also, it's relatively healthy. I find that I feel less sluggish these days. Of course, one can't just live off of brown rice, so I'll be combining it with vegetables and meat when I have more money. I splurged on some bananas and must constantly resist the temptation of buying coffee or tea when I go to the bookstore. A friend gave me an apartment offer for the summer; the price is $350 with utilities included; I'll know by Monday whether or not I'll take him up on that offer. I have a job interview on Tuesday at Aspen Grove Mall. I hope I get the job. Maybe, I'll stop and say hi to Conor's mom.
Those Sour Patch Kids commercials eerily resemble my youngest sister. She has such a horrid temper, yet she's so adorable and sweet. It's so endearing to watch her comfort my little brother. It's impossible to stay mad at her. She truly is a mix of sweet and sour!
I'm back in touch with an old friend, and it's so wonderful! She has been helping me look at apartments. Plus, her family feeds me when I come over! We had a lot of fun at the mall, trying on clothes. I tried on this yellow dress, and it looked great on me! I found this beautiful dress that would have been absolutely perfect if it had just been a couple of feet shorter. Maybe, I should look into making my own dress. I have this vision of the perfect dress, but I just can't find it! I think I'll look at Thrift stores. Of course, I'll need to have a bit more money in my pocket, but, hey, a girl can dream!
My mom and I had a nice conversation. I'm finally figuring out what I want to do. Graduate school, here I come! I went on Campus to find out about the guarantee and discovered that they never processed that I had changed my major to English; I'm still under Psychology. I'm going to major in Psychology after all. It's the field that will help me out the most with my goals. I'm going to the bookstore to look at some textbooks to refine my math skills, since I'll need to take a Statistics course and an extra Biology course; I'm also going to look at some Spanish textbooks to improve my Spanish. I'm also going to start studying for the GREs early. I hope I can study abroad in England or Scotland next year.
I would say something profound, but I'm not in the mood. My mind is too preoccupied with things to do. A part of my mind is spinning in circles so quickly, it's hard to keep track of all my thoughts and obligations. I'm going to take a nice hot bath and try to get up early.

Bay_Wolf's Mastercard Commercial!

2006-05-18T09:45:16Z

I actually want to get to bed before daylight, so I'll try to keep this update short! I drove to campus to pick up an envelope, opened it, didn't get the on-campus job I applied for. Then I went to the bank to inquire about my balance to see how much money I had left in my account: over a hundred dollars. I always get this high every time I discover money after being broke or thinking I'm broke. So what do I do? I go shopping! I ate at my favorite Vietnamese place and had Vietnamese coffee and gave the waiter a proper tip. Oh, the soup with the raw steak, brisket, and tripe was so divine! Vietnamese coffee is one of the most heavenly drinks ever! So thick, sweet, and creamy! Yummy! Yummy! Yummy! Tried to call Reddest so I could pick up my wine opener. No answer. Probably good, since I would have been tempted to splurge on wine. Tried to call a couple of friends to make plans. No answer. Went to Aveda and received a free hair consultation. Looks like I'll be lopping off four inches. That was so much fun though! I love Aveda products! I feel like I'm in my element every time I enter that salon! Went to The Body Shop at Cherry Creek and bought much needed supplies. The manager gave me a job application when she saw I was dressed for a job interview. Very nice of her since I didn't even ask about hiring. Then I fulfilled my one passion: I explored Whole Foods, which was right next to the mall, the real reason I headed in that direction in the first place! It's so much bigger than Wild Oats! I was in Heaven! Heaven, I tell you!

$9.33 (Vietnamese Food)
22.00 (Groceries from Whole Foods...actually resisted buying $12 natural lipstick!)
39.00 (The Body Shop...bought cocoa butter, exfoliating sponge, wooden comb, and discount card)
10.00 (Gas)

Total: $80.33

$138.00 (Balance Before Crazy Spending)
-080.33

Amount Left: $57.67
A Good Fucking Time: Priceless!

I Couldn't Resist

2006-05-06T08:18:19Z

The Order of the Phoenix

James Potter

"Go out with me Lily!"

Lily Evans

"Drop dead!"

Sirius Black

Artemis

Remus Lupin

Alice Longbottom

Mr. Longbottom

Arthur Weasley

"Look, Molly, muggles! Excuse me, sir..."

Molly Weasley

"Oh for heaven's sake, Arthur, leave the muggle alone!"

Mad Eye Moodie

Albus Dumbledore

Professor McGonagall

bay_wolf @ 2006-05-05T18:04:00

2006-05-06T00:04:31Z

I love this fucking icon! I can totally relate!!!!
http://www.livejournal.com/userpic/42173473/6549639

Courtesy of Reddest

2006-05-04T05:31:50Z

I got such a kick out of this story!

2006-04-11T00:09:32Z

St. Dorothy

St. Dorothy, (i.e., the gift of God), a virgin from Caesarea in Cappadocia, allegedly suffered a martyr's death under Diocletian. Her relics are honored in a church dedicated to her honor in the Trastevere section of Rome. Her feast was introduced into the Roman calendar during the Middle Ages. In 1969 her feast was removed from the revised Roman Calender and her cultus was suppressed.

Nevertheless, a very edifying story is related in connection with her name. As Dorothy was being led to execution because of her faith in Christ, she prayed, "I thank You, 0 Lover of souls, for having called me to Your paradise." A certain Theophilus, an official of the Roman governor, jestingly retorted, "Farewell, bride of Christ, send me apples or roses from your Bridegroom's garden of bliss." Dorothy answered, "I most certainly will."

While devoting herself to prayer during the few moments permitted before receiving the death stroke, she beheld a vision of a beautiful youth who carried three apples and three roses in a napkin. She said to him, "I implore you to take these to Theophilus." Soon the sword severed her neck, and her soul returned to God.

As Theophilus was mockingly telling his friend of Dorothy's promise, a boy stood before him holding a linen in which were wrapped three beautiful apples and three magnificent roses.

"See, the virgin Dorothy sends you these from the garden of her Bridegroom, even as she promised you." Highly astonished, for it was February and everything in nature was frozen, Theophilus received the gifts and cried out: "Truly indeed, Christ is God." And soon he too died a martyr's death for publicly confessing the faith.

Pet Peeves

2006-03-21T05:35:13Z

I received this email from a friend and thought it was funny.

I've Got 10 Human Peeves To Talk About:

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!

2. Yelling at me for barking . . . I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly
whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose . . . stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew
your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo
Hoooooooo - what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I
freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I
haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the
truth . . . you're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these thing's.
We both know who's boss here . .. .

bay_wolf @ 2006-02-12T04:28:00

2006-02-12T11:28:56Z

I swear I will write something intelligent, profound! Just not today!

My New Club- Shut up and Just Relax!

2006-01-15T20:57:36Z

Are you sick of complaining or listening to complaints? Yes, our childhoods have sucked! Yes, America's going to Hell! But why sit on our asses and complain all day? This club is for those who wish the complainers would just shut up or do something about it. Otherwise, just sit back and enjoy life!

For those sick of attending pity parties!

Sign up if you want to join.

To All You Broken Hearts

2006-01-07T06:17:24Z

Tracy Chapman - Remember The Tinman Lyrics

There are locks on the doors
And chains stretched across all the entries to the inside
There's a gate and a fence
And bars to protect from only God knows what lurks outside
Who stole your heart left you with a space
That no one and nothing can fill
Who stole your heart who took it away
Knowing that without it you can't live
Who took away the part so essential to the whole
Left you a hollow body
Skin and bone
What robber what thief who stole your heart and the key
Who stole your heart
The smile from your face
The innocence the light from your eyes
Who stole your heart or did you give it away
And if so then when and why
Who took away the part so essential to the whole
Left you a hollow body
Skin and bone
What robber what thief
Who stole your heart and the key
Now all sentiment is gone
Now you have no trust in no one
Who stole your heart
Did you know but forget the method and moment in time
Was it a trickster using mirrors and sleight of hand
A strong elixir or a potion that you drank
Who hurt your heart
Bruised it in a place
That no one and nothing can heal
You've gone to wizards, princes and magic men
You've gone to witches, the good the bad the indifferent
But still all sentiment is gone
But still you have no trust in no one
If you can tear down the walls
Throw your armor away remove all roadblocks barricades
If you can forget there are bandits and dragons to slay
And don't forget that you defend an empty space
And remember the tinman
Found he had what he thought he lacked
Remember the tinman
Go find your hear and take it back
Who stole your heart
Maybe no one can say
One day you will find it I pray

Unfortunately, so many people close up after heartbreak, and I think this song not only illustrates this but also has a wonderful message. Don't let some bastard leave you broken! You still have a heart so use it! As the song says, remember the tin man who realized at the end that he didn't need to find a heart because he already had one.